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http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/gettingstarted/2708/why-proactive-dating-works;_ylc=X3oDMTF1bHM2dnRxBF9TAzI3MTYxNDkEc2VjA2ZwX3RvZGF5BHNsawN3aHktcHJvYWN0aXZlLWRhdGluZy13b3JrcwR6egNhYmNk
Why Proactive Dating Works
Here's what doing your own picking and emailing first will do for you
By Kathryn Lord Special to Yahoo! Personals Updated: Oct 6, 2007
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If you are like most of my romance clients, you wish that love would "just happen." Men as well as women cringe at the mere thought of taking action that might make finding love more likely.
It's understandable that women are reluctant to make the first move. After all, most of us over 40 were taught to sit and wait. We kind of like being pursued. It's safe. And then there are books like "The Rules" that dictate old-fashioned female passivity for new-age women.
But men? That's right, ladies, they are as scared as we are. Maybe more.
Perhaps love will "just happen" for some of these people who are "just waiting." After all, each of them has indeed done SOMETHING: They have posted a profile. They've made a semi-public statement that they are single and looking.
Maybe, just maybe, Mr. or Ms. Right will see it, be in the 65-75 percent who will actually make the first move, and decide to get in touch.
Maybe, just maybe, Mr. or Ms. Right will see it, be in the 65-75 percent who will actually make the first move, and decide to get in touch.
Maybe, just maybe, Mr. or Ms. Right will see it, be in the 65-75 percent who will actually make the first move, and decide to get in touch. But what happens if both parties are in the percentages who never make the first move? Nothing! Talk about two ships that pass in the night...
Why proactive is better than waiting
Here's what proactive dating -- doing your own picking and emailing first -- will do for you:
- You'll get clearer about what you are looking for, and better able to recognize it when you find it.
- Once you get over the shock of making the first move, you'll feel so much better.
Action is empowering. Sitting and waiting is hard. Ask any wallflower at a junior high school dance.Action is empowering. Sitting and waiting is hard.
- Since you are doing the looking and picking, the chances are much better that you will find just what you want, rather than having to make do with whoever gets in touch with you.
- Women: Men LIKE it if you contact them first. I have never had one of my male clients not feel touched and appreciative when a woman emails them first. "The Rules" be darned. (I emailed my now-husband first. He liked it.)
- Men: Women like you to get in touch first, too, of course. But we know how hard that can be. No one likes to hear "no."
Internet dating has revolutionized how we think about rejection, though. You can read more of what I have to say about rejection in my Yahoo! Personals article "Your Recipe for Rejection Prevention."Internet dating has revolutionized how we think about rejection
How to make the first move
- Pick a list of favorites, at least 5 or 6, and contact them all at once.
- Do not let yourself get too focused on any one person before you hear back and get some sense of their interest and availability.
- Be prepared for a high non-response rate. No response is very common. If 30 percent of your contacts reply, you are doing very well.
- While you are waiting for the first group you contacted to respond, look around again and get five or six more prospects ready to go. Do not wait more than a week -- start sending out more first emails to your new list.
- Remember that "no" or "no response" is not about you. It can't be. These folks don't know you at all. A "no" is about their non-availability. Do not let your imagination run wild and make a "no" harder than it needs to be.
Got the message?
Do something! Get ready. My book "Find a Sweetheart Soon! Your Love Trip Planner for Women" will help you take more steps. Your first step is to post a great profile -- I can help. Then, start looking and sending those first emails.
What have you got to lose? For that matter, think what you might lose if you don't.
Kathryn Lord, romance coach and author, met her now husband Drew online. Out of the dating world for years, Kathryn conquered her fears, found her perfect mate and built a solid relationship. She put what she has learned into writing in "Find A Sweetheart Soon! Your Love Trip Planner for Women." A psychotherapist, Kathryn has been helping singles and couples for more than 25 years. She is on the web at Find-a-Sweetheart.com.
." A psychotherapist, Kathryn has been helping singles and couples for more than 25 years. She is on the web at .." A psychotherapist, Kathryn has been helping singles and couples for more than 25 years. She is on the web at .." A psychotherapist, Kathryn has been helping singles and couples for more than 25 years. She is on the web at .." A psychotherapist, Kathryn has been helping singles and couples for more than 25 years. She is on the web at .
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